


i believe in you

by hollowfirefly



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Doubt, Internet Relationship, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 22:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7380592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowfirefly/pseuds/hollowfirefly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They tell you it just gets worse from here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i believe in you

**Author's Note:**

> A really short one-shot. Not much to say here. Anyway, enjoy and leave feedback please.

Longing. That's what Grantaire feels as he lays in bed alone, ukulele laying between his legs as he stares into the expanse of darkness his room encompasses. He would say he's never felt so alone, but truly he doesn't know yet.  
  
They tell you it just gets worse from here.   
  
All the sleepless nights wondering whether they'll fall in love with someone else, someone there, someone with them. Grantaire wonders if Enjolras has ever thought about being with someone he can touch, taste, feel.  
  
Longing. Grantaire notices the way his fingers on his right hand have latched to the the fingers on his left hand. The way he closes his eyes and imagines what it feels like to truly be apart of someone else, underneath someone else's skin, inside of someone else's soul. Grantaire wonders if he will ever truly know this geniality. The warmth of a lover's hand against his stomach as they lay inside of this darkness that Grantaire is so fond of.  
  
Grantaire feels his phone vibrate in the pile of blankets next to him on the bed. He recognizes the glow of the message fondly and pulls the phone in front of him.  
  
'I love you.'  
  
Grantaire cannot help but smile as he stares at the phrase so many people say, yet remains so special between Enjolras and him. Grantaire immediately replies with the same words.  
  
Grantaire does not doubt Enjolras' intentions or assurances. He does not doubt Enjolras at all. No, his doubts lay elsewhere. They lay inside of Grantaire, for Grantaire, regarding Grantaire. He truly only doubts himself. He is afraid that he will not remain good enough. He is frightened of becoming menial and small, not good enough, and tiresome for this boy. This boy that lies more than 2000 miles north of him. This boy who he's given all of his emotions, feelings, and heart to.  
  
Grantaire is afraid he will prove his doubts right: that he is unworthy of the blonde Apollo's love.  
  
Sometimes Enjolras will tell him not to worry, that he could never love another. It works to soothe Grantaire's hesitation for a small while, but something always brings them back to the forefront of Grantaire's weary and weak mind. He finds himself imagining Enjolras in love with someone else, kissing someone else, someone who can be with him and isn't miles and miles away.  
  
But then Enjolras will say something like "I love you" or "Never forget how amazing you are" and Grantaire will believe in this, in Enjolras, in himself.  
  
Grantaire loves Enjolras. He is in love with Enjolras. He loves that Enjolras listens to him no matter what. He loves that Enjolras constantly reminds him that he is more than he considers himself. He loves Enjolras and all of his rants, quirks, jokes, smiles, laughs. He falls in love with Enjolras a little more every single day, and never regrets a minute spent talking to him.  
  
Enjolras affirms these feelings are mutual. That he loves Grantaire this much too. That this is just as real for Enjolras as it is for Grantaire.  
  
Grantaire hates his brain for trying to convince him otherwise, but Enjolras knows that Grantaire believes that they will last, that this is real. Enjolras knows that this is just Grantaire's anxious thoughs, doubts, and habits. That if Grantaire truly believed in anything or anyone, it was Enjolras.  
  
Longing. That's what Grantaire feels in his room of his, absent of the one person to make him smile. Grantaire is willing to wait. He's waited for months, years- he can wait a little longer. He can wait to hold Enjolras, and he will not become terrified of himself or what could happen. He will believe in Enjolras, as much as Enjolras believes in him.  
  
Grantaire smiles as he wraps his own arm around himself, closing his eyes and imagining Enjolras pulling him close to his body.  
  
Grantaire knows it will be more than worth the wait.


End file.
